A Sonnet Of Love...

When first I saw thee I was smitten,
By the Love-Bug sorely bitten---

It was on thy wedding-day,
In the gentle month of May.

As you and your groom passed me by,
'Twas then I vowed that he must die!

No other way could I win your love,
Till off some steep cliff I could shove

The simpering fool whom you'd just wed--
Or should I bash him in the head

With my baseball bat? How to do it?
Shotgun, knives? Some poisoned fru-it?

I did not want you, my love, to see
The demise of my enemy;

This had to be done with great care,
At a time when you weren't there...

I bought the condo up the street
From your new house, and chanced to meet

You and the clod--we became friends
As I had planned; 'twould meet my ends

To gain the dullard's confidence...
I waited for a fortnight hence,

Then saw my chance--shopping you went,
Leaving the fool to fix a dent

In his lawn-mower; I happened by,
And told him "Look what I have, Stu:
A brand-new kind of lawn-mower fuel!

Just pour it in the tank and start 'er up!"
He grinned at me like some dumb pup

And said "Thanks, man! I'm much obliged!"
--in the explosion he then died,

As I had planned--I was at home
When I heard the BOOM!--got on the phone,

Called 911 with fiendish glee,
Knowing that soon you'd be with me...

That was twenty years ago--since then
We got married, and had ten

Obnoxious children; but we've had fun,
Backyard picnics in the sun,

A world of carefree happy days...
Seems to me that some crime pays!